I have 3 lizard scares in a day and it truly sucks BIG time, okay. First one was in the afternoon when the kids are having their nap and this stupid african negro black baby lizard fell from out of nowhere onto the floor making that "piak" sound (I.FUCKING.HATE.THAT.SOUND). Then, as if it suffered a concussion or something, it stood there on the floor stoned while I stood there looking at it, horrified and panic not knowing what to do. My first instinct was to electrocute it with the badminton thingy so I ran to grab the badminton thingy and once the thingy (wtf) is in my hand I start to have second thought because :
1) How to electrocute the lizard when I don't even dare to go near it???
2) What if the thingy failed to function and the lizard climb and reach out for me instead????!
3) What if I pressed too hard and the lizard's intestines burst open exposing it's breakfast??!
4) IF I managed to give it an electric shock and kill it who is going to get rid of the charred body as the husband won't be back until dinner and I can't really leave a dead lizard body on the floor especially with my toddler kid roaming around the house, can I??!
Therefore, I reconsidered my decision to electrocute it and came up with another method which is between using Shieldtox or a rolled newspapers but yet again, faced with more setbacks which is :
1) Using rolled newspaper : What if I hit too hard and repeat number 3?
2) WHO is going to get rid of the dead body for me???! T_T
Keep in mind that while I stood there contemplating my options the fugly lizard was so cooperative it also stayed there as if teasing me like "I give you ten brass balls you also dare not do anything one la, chicken."
After some serious thinking, this is what I did :
I POURED BABY POWDER ON THE GOD DAMNED LIZARD.
When I shared this picture on my Facebook my sister were the first to comment and ask "HOW U WANT TO KILL A LIZARD USING BABY POWDER? -_-"
Good question.
I don't know.
-___________-
Maybe I was hoping that the powder will cause slippery-ness and the lizard will fall and knock it's head while trying to run away and hopefully hard enough to kill itself OR I was trying to overpower it with the smell of baby powder which might cause it nauseous and faint (hopefully stay faint long enough until the husband gets home). Needless to say, not only did it managed to escape through all that powders, I also ended up having powdery floor fml.
My second lizard scare happened just awhile ago before my third lizard scare fml max. But it was fast and without much fuss. I woke up for a toilet visit and found another baby lizard in the toilet (not the same as the afternoon one as this is fair. As in veiny fair, not powder covered cheat one fair) So anyway, the husband came to rescue by hitting it with a rolled newspaper and proceeded to flush it's dead body down the toilet bowl yay!
This is for coming into my house and appearing before me. NO MANNERS.
Moving on to my last lizard scare which is the reason why I started this blog post and keeping me awake at this hour wtf T_T Anyway, I carried my puppy to put her out at the balcony so that she can eliminates before I go to sleep and when I was trying to check on her to see if she's done, I saw a bigass lizard (4 inches fml) at the corner of the living room wall just above the sliding door to the balcony. I shrieked and cringed a little and begged the husband, which by now is already in the bed almost falling asleep, to come out and finish it off giving reasons like "a very fulfilling supper for your arowana/I need to save my dog". After 5 minutes of begging he finally drag his sleepy ass out of the bed and I hurriedly pass him the weapon (rolled newspapers that I use to smack my puppy's butt whenever she's naughty). But this time, instead of hitting the lizard with it, he used it to poke the lizard wtf.
Question : What kind of people use rolled newspapers to poke a lizard in an attempt to kill it?
Answer : A man who is secretly afraid of creepy crawlies but is too shy to admit it aka My Husband.
Back to the story, the lizard fell down INTO MY PILE OF UNFOLD CLOTHES laying on the sofa which is located next to the sliding door leading to the balcony. After some searching for the dead/paralysed body, he couldn't find it! :O
So now it's FML 360 degree maximum because not only I won't be getting near that unfolded pile of clothes until the maid arrives two days later, I also can't clean the puddle of dog pee in the balcony because I'm too terrified at the thought of the lizard jumping out of nowhere seeking revenge on me by rubbing it's cold, soft, veiny body against mine waaaaaaaaaaaaaa :'( Also, how do I bring my puppy out for her pee routine tomorrow knowing that there is a dead/cacat lizard laying somewhere near the door waiting to scare the poop out of me???? I'm freaking out I can't even sleep as I might dream of a giant lizard the size of the Statue of Liberty coming after me with a rolled newspapers in it's hand trying to beat the shit out of me, literally.
Bad move, Adele.
BAD MOVE!
*Kneel down dramatically* Dear God, if you hear this or read my blog, please have mercy on my weak heart and kapoof the dead body for me or please let the dead body appear tomorrow before my husband leaves the house for work in the morning. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee T_T
