My biggest fear

is lizard. Seriously, all lizards need to be deported back to the ice age (or was it stone?) or to some other non-human inhibited planet so that we call all live in peace (both sides). It's 3:10am right now and here I am blogging about lizards instead of sleeping. No thanks to the husband.

I have 3 lizard scares in a day and it truly sucks BIG time, okay. First one was in the afternoon when the kids are having their nap and this stupid african negro black baby lizard fell from out of nowhere onto the floor making that "piak" sound (I.FUCKING.HATE.THAT.SOUND). Then, as if it suffered a concussion or something, it stood there on the floor stoned while I stood there looking at it, horrified and panic not knowing what to do. My first instinct was to electrocute it with the badminton thingy so I ran to grab the badminton thingy and once the thingy (wtf) is in my hand I start to have second thought because :

1) How to electrocute the lizard when I don't even dare to go near it???
2) What if the thingy failed to function and the lizard climb and reach out for me instead????!
3) What if I pressed too hard and the lizard's intestines burst open exposing it's breakfast??!
4) IF I managed to give it an electric shock and kill it who is going to get rid of the charred body as the husband won't be back until dinner and I can't really leave a dead lizard body on the floor especially with my toddler kid roaming around the house, can I??!

Therefore, I reconsidered my decision to electrocute it and came up with another method which is between using Shieldtox or a rolled newspapers but yet again, faced with more setbacks which is :

1) Using rolled newspaper : What if I hit too hard and repeat number 3?
2) WHO is going to get rid of the dead body for me???! T_T

Keep in mind that while I stood there contemplating my options the fugly lizard was so cooperative it also stayed there as if teasing me like "I give you ten brass balls you also dare not do anything one la, chicken."

After some serious thinking, this is what I did :

I POURED BABY POWDER ON THE GOD DAMNED LIZARD.

When I shared this picture on my Facebook my sister were the first to comment and ask "HOW U WANT TO KILL A LIZARD USING BABY POWDER? -_-"

Good question. 

I don't know. 

-___________-

Maybe I was hoping that the powder will cause slippery-ness and the lizard will fall and knock it's head while trying to run away and hopefully hard enough to kill itself OR I was trying to overpower it with the smell of baby powder which might cause it nauseous and faint (hopefully stay faint long enough until the husband gets home). Needless to say, not only did it managed to escape through all that powders, I also ended up having powdery floor fml. 

My second lizard scare happened just awhile ago before my third lizard scare fml max. But it was fast and without much fuss. I woke up for a toilet visit and found another baby lizard in the toilet (not the same as the afternoon one as this is fair. As in veiny fair, not powder covered cheat one fair) So anyway, the husband came to rescue by hitting it with a rolled newspaper and proceeded to flush it's dead body down the toilet bowl yay!

This is for coming into my house and appearing before me. NO MANNERS.

Moving on to my last lizard scare which is the reason why I started this blog post and keeping me awake at this hour wtf T_T Anyway, I carried my puppy to put her out at the balcony so that she can eliminates before I go to sleep and when I was trying to check on her to see if she's done, I saw a bigass lizard (4 inches fml) at the corner of the living room wall just above the sliding door to the balcony. I shrieked and cringed a little and begged the husband, which by now is already in the bed almost falling asleep, to come out and finish it off giving reasons like "a very fulfilling supper for your arowana/I need to save my dog". After 5 minutes of begging he finally drag his sleepy ass out of the bed and I hurriedly pass him the weapon (rolled newspapers that I use to smack my puppy's butt whenever she's naughty). But this time, instead of hitting the lizard with it, he used it to poke the lizard wtf. 

Question : What kind of people use rolled newspapers to poke a lizard in an attempt to kill it?

Answer : A man who is secretly afraid of creepy crawlies but is too shy to admit it aka My Husband.

Back to the story, the lizard fell down INTO MY PILE OF UNFOLD CLOTHES laying on the sofa which is located next to the sliding door leading to the balcony. After some searching for the dead/paralysed body, he couldn't find it! :O 

So now it's FML 360 degree maximum because not only I won't be getting near that unfolded pile of clothes until the maid arrives two days later, I also can't clean the puddle of dog pee in the balcony because I'm too terrified at the thought of the lizard jumping out of nowhere seeking revenge on me by rubbing it's cold, soft, veiny body against mine waaaaaaaaaaaaaa :'( Also, how do I bring my puppy out for her pee routine tomorrow knowing that there is a dead/cacat lizard laying somewhere near the door waiting to scare the poop out of me???? I'm freaking out I can't even sleep as I might dream of a giant lizard the size of the Statue of Liberty coming after me with a rolled newspapers in it's hand trying to beat the shit out of me, literally. 

Bad move, Adele.

BAD MOVE! 

*Kneel down dramatically* Dear God, if you hear this or read my blog, please have mercy on my weak heart and kapoof the dead body for me or please let the dead body appear tomorrow before my husband leaves the house for work in the morning. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee T_T

My final post

Just in case I die today because I have been coughing for a month or so now it's so bad I worry for my lung and intestines. and uterus. Seriously, I swear I saw some blood in my phlegm just now T_T

So, just in case I do die today or tomorrow this blog will be the last thing that I left for my daughters beside my cosmetic and manicure sets and some skimpy body con dresses <3 <3 which I don't wish for them to wear until they turned 21.

Note to self : Must remember to ask the husband to keep them in the safe before my final cough.

Oh, and of course there is also some savings in the angpaos hidden away safely in my secret hideout because I noticed they are safer that way than when they are in the bank. *Log in bank account wah still got so much okay can go shopping later shop swipe shop swipe the next day check again good griefffffffff O_O* I always tend to overspend on my credit and debit card because they don't show you how much you've used until you check wtf.

Anyway, sorry for the long break. I've been busy doing what I love best which is this! :

CRAFTING! :D

I make handmade headbands and pacifier clips for babies! Well, not just babies as I also custom for adults for the headband hehehe... To view more of my creations go to here.

Enjoy browsing and I hope you find something you like while I go do some more coughing *cough* bye *cough*

Part II : The longest finger of them all

Last Friday, I was on my way to fetch Amberly to school in a somewhat semi-conscious and blur state. I came to a junction to make a turn on my right, and as there were too many cars coming from the opposite, I didn't realize there was a biker too so I step on my accelerator and upon realizing the biker I stepped on my break immediately causing the car to nudge a little. Ok, before you start judging and stereotyping me as LOUSY FEMALE DRIVER I would like to explain that I am usually a very skillful driver (I swear I take less than 2minutes for side parking I swear!), but I guessed I was too tired that particular morning. I probably wouldn't even noticed if Ian Somerhalder were waving at me then ok FINE that, I will never missed =.=

But hey, people make mistakes, right? Especially people who have 2 kids (make that 3 since the mister is also the sloppiest person I've ever met), an online business, who only gets 4hrs of sleep on average and who is still home-sick even after moving to another state for almost 5years T_T 

Ok, dah mula offtrack dah.

Anyway, so I managed to stop even before he reached the spot where my car was at (he was incoming) and, startled, I quickly raised my right hand and do the sorry signal trying to apologise to the motorcyclist. By this time, I could see that he's a Malay probably in his mid-twenties with a dark, tanned skin.

That is when he gave me THE finger. Ya, kena guna adjektif untuk yg itu sbb dia lebih popular daripada Elizabeth Taylor. The finger! Not the mamat.   =.=

                                                                      Nothing this cute.

In fact, he was giving me this really psychotic look on his face he was actually smiling while flashing his finger the whole time he ride pass me. It was that look of the pedophile you see in The Hills Have Eyes gives.

GROSSNESS OVERLOAD

 

 

And to be honest, I was so close to stepping on my accelerator to the floor in hope that I will bang the SOB and sent him flying with brain juice spattered out (probably very little like 1oz). Instead, I just shook my head and drive away. (eh ceh ceh, tahap kesabaran sdh meningkat all thanks to my lovely daughters finally boleh nampak hikmah disebalik mempunyai anak yg nakal sgt)

Why didn't I at least wind down the window and take 20cent and throw at him, kan?

Truthfully, I would LOVE to. I mean, it's easier to resort to anger and screw the whole world than having to hold it in for 5minutes which, btw, I swear to god feels like 5 days, right? Swallowing is so hard sometimes it's easier to spit. I thought about it for awhile, then I found the answer behind my shocking reaction (ya, sungguh shocking ok in fact almost miracle sbb biasanya sy dah baling kasut takpun baling used tisu cis)

The truth is, I've come to realized that assholes are everywhere. And they come in all shapes and sizes, too. Not just malay, chinese or indian but in every race. They are uncategorized. Obviously, countering hate with more hate is if from what I've seen and learnt, bad in every way. Therefore, on that particular morning, I decided that if I want a change, then I should be the change first (amboi, macam slogan dari mana nie ya? Lol) Bottom line is, there are too many people in this world that will probably aggravate us and we will never have the sufficient rage to really hate each and everyone of them. So, why bother hating? Don't misunderstood, I pon ada resent sesetengah orang tp setakat resent shj takde sampai cursing dia bankrap la, tarak anak la, tertelan tulang ikan la takdeeeeeee. Purely resentment, because without hate we will never know what love is like (excuse me can you pls stop quoting quote trololol)


Anyway! These are all my personal opinions and advice. Everyone is free to decide on what they like and doesn't.


But the main question is,

What will YOU do if someone gives you the finger?

Saje nak guna dia sb nama dia pun Adele
(Mesti copy nama I sb nama I like so glamor like that, kan?) 

 

 

LOL

First Post! Part I

Ok, seriously, I have no idea why I started this blog when I hardly even have time to steam a fish. But I was reading a few of my favorite blogs the other day and I was telling my sister on Whatsapp about how much I love this one blogger and tetiba saje she went "Why don't you blog, too?"

Hence, this crap "blog" (I would prefer to call it a non-existent piece of crap as I think I will probably get like one visitor in 3years (even that visitor must have stumbled upon my blog as a result from googling 'Mamypoko'.))